How to Raise Teenagers

 

I'm a mom of teenage boys & girls and honestly, I’ve been afraid of raising teenagers. Hormones make teenage girls feel crazy and were awful in so many ways same goes with the brain hormones of my 16-year old son. I occasionally read my old diaries to remind myself that I was the worst and it allows me to have some patience with my teen kids. 😅

The scariest part of raising teenagers is remembering the stupid things you did as a teenager. We’ve hit that point in raising teenagers where I can’t say, “When I was your age…” because I’ll be ratting myself out and giving them too many bad ideas.  Apparently, I am way less cool than a mom must have been. I want to tell my kids to keep singing at the top of their lungs when the rest of the world tells them to be quiet. That’s the kind of mom I want to be. But of course, I'm not. I just want to be a 'not-so-strict-but-not-too-loose' mom because I want to set standards to them so that they won't experience the bad things (experiencing the real 'teenage' world) that I experienced while growing up.

Many books offer ways on how to deal with teen kids but for me, there is really no formula for that because children have different characters & habits. Being a mom is never easy most especially being a single mom. Sometimes, I'm too lenient then after a day too strict, and most of the time I was too crazy that sometimes I don't even understand what's coming out of my mouth.

There're 5 (five) things I've learned being a mom to teenage kids:

• Let them be who are they meant to become. You have to stand back to give them space to learn on their own by making mistakes, not to command them on the things they should or should not do. Of course, mothers know best but in a sense that you respect and trust your kids' opinions and decisions. Let them be, if they commit an error at least they learned from it and surely won't do it again.

• Be their right confidant but not best friend. There're pros and cons to being their best bud/ friend/ companion/ ally, etc.                                                                                                       PROS -  They can tell you everything and anything under the sun.                                           CONS - You will be lenient to the point that they will no longer follow you because for them you are okay with what they are doing, you won't be mad as you understand them because you are their best friend. They tend to disrespect your existence being their parents.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             There should always be a line - the one that's separate being a parent from a friend. Being your kids' best friend is too cliché as it's not applicable to everyone. At the end of the day, your best bud isn't going to make you follow rules, and isn't always giving you good advice.
   As a parent, I need to be able to discipline my children and be ok to accept that my teen kids won't always like me because as a single mom/ us parents have to make the hard decisions and somehow put up with their revulsion. Children need their boundaries but we parents have to set the parameters and keep them safe, make appropriate rules. They will not agree with you all the time and it is very impossible for you not to argue. Just remember to breathe and count 1 to 10 and keep your sanity. 
            
  In the coming year when they all grow up and have family on their own, they will realize and agree with you 100%. Believe me, been there done that. (Special thanks to my mom & dad for always being there and I was not misguided. hehe)

• Positive words. As a mom, I have to learn to lose sarcasm and to learn to speak positively. I have been an English instructor and a science facilitator that taught me how to interact with small children. Positive reinforcement is always better than punishment. Kids have good memories, they will always remember your actions and how you made them feel. So better practice cursing words into motivational ones as it will reflect your parenting and how will the kids grow as good human beings.

• Ignore the eye rolls. If you experience this scenario, don't panic, it's just normal. At first, I find it offensive but I often remember how I rolled my eyes to my parents too when I was their age. But I try not to be too offended for I know it's not personal it's just their way of showing their irritation at that span of a moment. This is their defense that they don't understand, or they don't approve & don't know what else to say. Just talk to them and tell them that you're displeased with that so-called action. What's important is that you rely upon your feelings towards the act they did and you made them aware of it. The next instant they know what to do they will just turn their back at you and roll their eyes. At least you didn't see it. 😉

• Just chill. There's no perfect parent- it's unattainable! Do you know why?  because what works for my daughters never works for my son and vice versa. And whenever I think I'm starting to figure them out, they will eventually grow up and I'm back at square one. The more they hit the 'adolescence age bracket'- the harder the process. They're very stubborn, rebellious, self-righteous, and sometimes emotional but whatever incomprehensible & confusing they are-- we love them dearly to the moon and back. They're worthy of our stress, annoyance, hardships, and all! Yes, it's normal to be scared but we've been in our youth days and our parents surpassed it with flying colors, so why can't we? I understand that we envy 'other moms', but these days being the ideal mom that being portrayed on television is merely impossible to achieve. We're just humans you know. We are not superheroes, well at least in our kid's eyes we are. 

        Our children are not our chance to relive our youth. Don't force them to be who you were who you wish you were & who you could never have become. As they have their thoughts and beliefs of their own. As our children progress through teen years, we'll notice a slow of highs and lows of adolescence. Let them acquire wisdom and guide them as parents. They are their own people, so let them be. Eventually, they will become independent, responsible, communicative young adults.  And always remember the motto of many parents with teens, "We're going through this together, and we'll come out of it - together!"